


Digital Rift

by shreddingstars



Series: Classified Avenger's Chatroom Logs - Property of Nick Fury [2]
Category: The Avengers (2012), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Chatlogs, Crack, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-18
Updated: 2013-05-18
Packaged: 2017-12-12 04:42:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/807377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shreddingstars/pseuds/shreddingstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sequel to Password Required. </p><p>The Avengers are back online in a chatroom after an exhausting vacation. Secrets are hashed out. More plans are made. Lies are told. Friendships are tested, and betrayal is inevitable. </p><p>But hey, at least Tony chose an extremely accurate nickname for someone, this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Digital Rift

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Keeley and Ally.
> 
> Once again, all typos are intentional, and there's no shame to be had here. Is it even more ridiculous than the first one? That's up to you to decide!
> 
> Note: This is a sequel fic, and it's going to make a lot more sense if you read [**Password Required**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/461743) first.
> 
> Enjoy, lovelies!

***guest-494058 created chatroom 'CHECK YOUR COULSONS AT THE DOOR'.**

***guest-494058 changed nickname to bitcheslovebirds.**

***guest-784211 entered the chatroom.**

**bitcheslovebirds:** woot!

***guest-784211 changed nickname to N.Romanov.**

**N.Romanov:**  Huh.

 **N.Romanov:** I don't understand how this is a cooldown, Clint.

 **bitcheslovebirds:** oh but it is

***guest-219577 entered the chatroom.**

**bitcheslovebirds:** tony said we needed a little group therapy so yeah

 **N. Romanov:** Some therapy.

***guest-219577 changed nickname to TONYINDAHOUSE.**

***guest-367180 entered the chatroom.**

**TONYINDAHOUSE:** did somebody mention little ol ME~~

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** rejoice for I am here and SO IS THE PARTY

* **bitcheslovebirds changed nickname to birdylittlebitch.**

 **N.Romanov:** and here I thought you were still hungover

***N.Romanov changed nickname to BouncingBorscht.**

**birdylittlebitch:** dammit I still don't understand how you change peoples screennames tony

 **BouncingBorscht:** lots of alliteration tonight

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** See now aren't those nicknames so much more creative though?

 **birdylittlebitch:** i WILL figure it out one day

 **birdylittebitch:** and you mean 'today' Tash. midnight just hit

***guest-367180 changed nickname to Bruce.**

**TONYINDAHOUSE:** BRUCE

 **Bruce:** Hey.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** MY BROTHER IN SCIENCE

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** y'know I would asl you to save me from the boredom of hanging with Clint and company but after this trip I'm not so sure.

 **BouncingBorscht:** I still think your viewpoint's misguided Tony

 **birdylittlebitch:** oh hey look first typo.

 **BouncingBorscht:** What makes you think Vegas is a magical place that automatically makes people loosen up?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** worked on YOU, DIDN't IT

 **birdylittlebitch:** OH YEAH

 **birdylittlebitch:** That reminds me!

 **birdylittlebitch** : I have the pictures tony but you can have them ONLY if you tell me how to do the screenname switch thing

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** Feh, i'll just have Thor do it

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** our new resident proffessional photographer <33

 **BouncingBorscht:** he took at least a thousand shots.

 **Bruce:** half of them were really blurry...

 **Bruce:** and as for me being “boring”,I don't think the bouncers would have appreciated the Other Guy lumbering around drunk in the club, tony.

 **birdylittlebitch:** ha

 **birdylittlebitch:** why do i imagine the Hulk would be like a weepy drunk or a cuddly drunk

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** yes exactly

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** before I die I need to know what kinda drunk the other guy is

 **Bruce:** um

***guest-802474 entered the chatroom.**

**TONYINDAHOUSE:** oh

 **Bruce:** a mean drunk?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** oh yes

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** oh finally

***guest-802474 changed nickname to S.Rogers.**

***guest-633450 entered the chatroom.**

**TONYINDAHOUSE:** Steves here everyone! Now get out your hymnals and turn to page 69 for the song “in the purity of our loins”

***S.Rogers changed nickname to UNICORNSLOVEME.**

**birdylittlebitch:** dont forget the promise rings minister tony

 **guest-633450:** OH ARE WE SINGING?

 **guest-633450:** IN ASSGARD WE HAVE MANY A CHANT AND TUNE TO HONOR OUR WARRIORS BOTH ALIVE AND FALLEN

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** HA!!

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** ASSGARD!

***guest-633450 changed nickname to SONOFASSGARD.**

**BouncingBorscht:** Sigh.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** thanks for doing my job for me thor

 **birdylittlebitch:** oh hey

 **SONOFASSGARD:** YOU ARE WELCOME :F

 **birdylittlebitch:** cap's rather quiet, guys.

 **Bruce:** Which there is no basis for since he cannot get drunk.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** vegas must've just stopped his poor little rainbow brite heart

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Who?

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** sorry if my replies are slow, I'm a little distracted.

 **birdylittlebitch:** HE LIVES

 **BouncingBorscht:** Hello, Steve.

 **birdylittlebitch:** you grace us with your presence, fearless leader

 **Bruce:** Hi Captain.

 **SONOFASSGARD:** HOW ARE YOU! ^7^

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** fearless?

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Hello, everyone.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** this vacation terrified the shit out of him

 **Bruce:** How are you, Cap? Did you sleep well?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** um ew

 **BouncingBorscht:** What, Tony?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** thas a question Coulson would ask man

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Very well, thanks for asking

 **birdylittlebitch:** wait did something happen

 **Bruce:** oh, nothing serious

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** OH MY GOD.

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** I'm fine, guys

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** I JUST REALIZED. YOU HAD ANOTHER VEGAS NIGHTMARE

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** THAT'S WHY COULSON WAS BABYING YOU YESTERDAY

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** TRAILING AFTER YOU LIKE A MOM OR REALLY REALLY CLINGY GIRLFRIEND

 **birdylittlebitch:** wait you're right

 **birdylittlebitch:** And it was probably about the GLITTER QUEEN?

 **BouncingBorscht:** ugh.

 **Bruce:** God,are we going to have another hour long conversation about her again?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** yes perfect

 **SONOFASSGARD:** THAT WAS VERY ENTERTAINING

 **Bruce:** She had maybe

 **birdylittlebitch:** just the look on your face Steve, oh man

 **Bruce:** 300 applicatons of makeup all over her body

 **birdylittlebitch:** i don't blame you though Cap her tits were to the floor its a miracle she didnt trip on them

 **SONOFASSGARD:** IT WAS A WOMAN?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** ahahahaha Thor

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** its about time someone asked that question

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** I love you

 **Bruce:** ....

 **birdylittlebitch:**...

 **birdylittlebitch:** aw man.

 **BouncingBorscht:** yeah, if only you had made a bet on that, Clint.

 **birdylittlebitch:** SHUT UP.

 **SONOFASSGARD:** I AM QUITE FLATTERED TONY STARK. >.>

 **Bruce:** You would've won so much money

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** OH YEAH by the way

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** thor if you have shots of Clints reaction when he lost that cash at the STD awareness charity betting table then i just might have to marry you

 **birdylittlebitch:** .................

 **BouncingBorscht:** huh.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** im so glad i thought to buy everyone a camera and an Starkphone

 **SONOFASSGARD:** WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO E MAIL THEM TO YOU TONY STARK? :9

 **birdylittlebitch:** ...................

***guest-329575 entered the chatroom.**

**Bruce:** Someone actually made clint speechless

 **BouncingBorscht:** surprised it took this long.

 **SONOFASSGARD:** I AM COMPOSING THE MAIL NOW TONY :WW

 **BouncingBorscht:** that didn't even happen when Thor bellowed out Part of your World at kareoke

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** That was a beautiful rendition okay better than Princess Jasmine in the movie and OH GOOD LORD NOT THIS AGAIN

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** actually, princess Ariel from The Little Mermaid sang that.

***guest-329575 changed nickname to PhilCoulson.**

**TONYINDAHOUSE:** UUUUUUUUUUGH.

***PhilCoulson changed nickname to furysbuttbuddy.**

**TONYINDAHOUSE:** so you gonna tattle on us again or

 **furysbuttbuddy:** No.

 **furysbuttbuddy:** You'd all better be glad there's no paperwork for ruining SHIELD's media image.

 **birdylittlebitch:** unless someone got herpes right

 **SONOFASSGARD:** WHO HAS AQUIRED HERPES???

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** wait why would you even mention herpes Clint

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** so you DID do that thing withthat showgirl behind the photo booth

 **SONOFASSGARD:** IT IS AN S T D CORRECT :3

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** she had a frigging koala with her man ew.

 **SONOFASSGARD:** :O

 **birdylittlebitch:** !?

 **birdylittlebitch:** c'mon tony damn

 **BouncingBorscht:** Heh, he's not THAT adventurous.

 **BouncingBorscht:** Reckless yes, but...

 **furysbuttbuddy:** Well, now.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** yeah but all things considered I guess everyone got theirs at some point

 **Bruce:** that's kind of true.

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Well....

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** Thor i saw you checking out that speedo dude at the freak show

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** and am i the only one who saw Steve's raging boner when the bellagio fountain show turned to a song from the mid thirties

 **furysbuttbuddy:** Congratulations, you all have general checkups and full range STD tests on your schedules first thing Monday morning

 **SONOFASSGARD:** : <

 **birdylittlebitch:** see, nat

 **birdylittlebitch:** STD checkups.

 **BouncingBorscht:** Gasp.

 **birdylittlebitch:** we could have just GONE TO DISNEYLAND and this would not have happened

 **SONOFASSGARD:** DISNEYLAND

 **birdylittlebitch:** but nobody listens to Clint

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** thats because clint runs his mouth nonstop

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** in the hopes that something brilliant may fall out one day

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** I supported going to Disneyland, Clint.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** it may be the only good thing about florida ever but vegas is something Steve needed to do before he got wise about how awesome and nasty it is

 **furysbuttbuddy:** Oh hello, Rogers. How are you?

 **Bruce:** Please, no disneyland.

 **SONOFASSGARD:** PLEASE YES DISNEYLAND  <:4

 **BouncingBorscht:** I'm with Bruce

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Disneyland is in California Tony. Walt Disney world is in Orlando. And hi, Agent.

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** thanks for the pills.

 **SONOFASSGARD:** THE PICTURES HAVE BEEN SENT TONY

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** Disneyland/world same difference

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** and aww your sweetheart coulson brought you pills? <3333

 **furysbuttbuddy:** I'm alright. Hopefully you didn't have too bad of a time babysitting your team last week.

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Actually, Stark, they are very different but with a few key similarities.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** ok thor checking pics now

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** and it was an... interesting experience, Phil.

 **birdylittlebitch:** cmon tash disneyland > vegas lets just go already

 **Bruce:** Guys, there are so many kids there...

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** omg thor

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** I'm sure you'll be fine, Bruce.

 **furysbuttbuddy:** I can probably get you discounted tickets through Triple A if you're really interested, Captain.

 **birdylittlebitch:** GREAT

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** thor omg

 **SONOFASSGARD:** YES?? :O :V

 **birdylittlebitch:** we can take you to meet a Russian disney character Tash

 **birdylittlebitch:** ...if there are any

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** IMG3049

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** did you actually take this thor?? is this real????

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Really? You could get us cheaper tickets?

 **furysuttbuddy:** I have to warn you though, it won't be too steep a discount.

 **birdylittlebitch:** are you serious

 **birdylittlebitch:** we've saved the world's ass fifty billion times and when we go to a theme park on a WELL DSEERVED VACATION the best SHIELD can do is get us a triple A discount?

 **SONOFASSGARD:** THEY ARE ALL QITE REAL MR STARK :5

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:**  Every penny counts, Agent.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** my heart

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** my glowing blue heart

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** send help

 **birdylittlebitch:** and cmon you guys have seen disney movies what's a russin disney character

 **BouncingBorscht:** russin? Really?

 **SONOFASSGARD:** :2

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** i cant with this pic

 **birdylittlebitch:** omg what tony what pic send it to me

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** this is like 405039485038 times better than all the pictures clint took

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** I should set up an instagram just for this pic. One instagram. This picture.

 **birdylittlebitch:** HEY THOR'S PICTURES WERE MOSTLY OF FEET

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** it should be a museum piece

 **birdylittlebitch:** thor send that pic to me. ALSO WHATS A RUSSIAN DISNEY CHARACTER

 **SONOFASSGARD:** OK. >:Q

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** this picture is a true work of art thor

 **BouncingBorscht:** i doubt there are any Russian disney characters, Clint.

 **Bruce:** Anastasia?

 **Bruce:** Rasputin

 **birdylittlebitch:** oh yeah and that drippy con artist dude

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Actually...

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** “Anastasia” is a don Bluth movie. Those are not Disney characters.

 **Birdylittlebitch:** dammit

 **furysbuttbuddy:** Bluth? The name doesn't ring a bell.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** thor you should really send this picture straight to EVERYONE on your contact list including fury and hill and uh peter parker too just for kicks

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** wait

 **SONOFASSGARD:** I WILL DO AS YOU ASK :/

 **birdylittlebitch:** what's up tony?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** WAIT.

 **Bruce:** oh Lord.

 **BouncingBorscht:** he's having a revelation

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** ...

 **birdylittlebitch:** oooh its something big too

 **birdylittlebitch:** to the bomb shelters

 **SONOFASSGARD:** WHAT IS WRONG?? XD

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** a month ago I gave everyone their debit cards right

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** and everyone bought shit and whatever

 **birdylittlebitch:** uh yeah

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** I WAS WONDERING WHY SO MUCH MONEY WAS GONE ON YOUR END STEVIE

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** SWEET SWEET LITTLE STEVIE.

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Um

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

 **furysbuttbuddy:** The point, Tony?

 **birdylittebitch:** SHH LET HIM FINISH

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** IN THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION YOU HAVE CONTRIBUTED NOTHIG

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** NOTHING EXCEPT RANDOM DISNEY FACTOIDS?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** NOW I KNOW WHY.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** I WENT INTO THE PURCHASE HISTORY.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** CAPTAIN AMERICA OUR NATIONAL LIVING LEGEND OF PRIDE AND JOY

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** HAS BOUGHT A PLATINUM BLURAY OF EVERY DISNEY CARTOON EVER MADE

 **Bruce:** what?

 **birdylittlebitch** : a;skjd;kfjs;dkfjfsjh LOLOLOLOL

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** OUR LITTLE STEVIE IS A MOUSKETEER

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** HALLELUJAH

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** PRAISE ADN GLORY

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** this conversation is finally funny

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** I only bought the good ones...

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Besides, animation is actually a very respectable art form.

 **furysbuttbuddy:** He's right. Ever seen “Fantasia”?

 **birdylittlebitch:** when you have spare time steve search 'hentai' its very respectable

 **birdylittlebitch:** animation at its finest actually

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** I really like that one. The Old Mill is another favorite o fmine.

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** and I will, Clint. Thanks.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** yes jesus keep it coming jesus

 **birdylittlebitch:** does this mean I can start packing

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** oh yeah.

T **ONYINDAHOUSE:** fuck all the shit you guys we are going to disneyland

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** nat and bruce they have bars on the resort property so whatever it is youre about to say just shut the hell up

 **birdylittlebitch:** WOOOOOO

 **BouncingBorscht:** You only want to go because you miss California, Clint.

 **birdylittlebitch:** palm trees, tasha

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Really Tony?

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** and this is the original Disneyland that Walt built that we're going to, right?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** oh god

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** yes Stevie whatever you want

 **birdylittlebitch:** feelin the disneyland spirit, Stark?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** its just that

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** splash mountain logs have five spaces

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** it means the five of us can have our picture taken together on the drop and Clint and coulson have to be in a log by themselves

 **Bruce:** Now that's just mean.

 **birdylittlebitch:** HEY MAN FUCK YOU

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** i will have those pictures blown up and framed i swear to god

 **birdylittlebitch:** MAN I DONT WANNA BE IN A LOG ALONE WITH COULSON DAMN

 **furysbuttbuddy:** Sorry to disappoint, but I won't be joining you.

 **BouncingBorscht:** i hope the hotel room is nice because I won't be leaving it

 **furysbuttbuddy:** You people have created too much work for me and I still have yet to confirm my vacation schedule.

 **birdylittlebitch:** yes you will nat trust me

 **SONOFASSGARD:** D: < THEN WE SHALL MISS YOU AT THE LAND OF DISNE>Y :@

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** I think... I should start planning. There are a lot of historical spots I want to visit.

 **furysbuttbuddy:** Enjoy, Captain.

 **Bruce:** so what Tony, are we actually doing the trip soon?

 **Bruce:** no recovery time from Vegas?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** isn't hanging out in our own rooms where we don't have to see each others faces recovery enough?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** honestly why cant all our communication be this way

 **birdylittlebitch:** he has a point

 **BouncingBorscht:** oh, hey.

 **BouncingBorscht:** before we get back into the Disney silliness, Clint you created this chatroom, right?

 **birdylittlebitch:** yea so?

 **BouncingBorscht:** that means you have banning power now.

 **Bruce:** Aw Nat, you should've let him figure it out on his own.

 **furysbuttbuddy:** He never would have.

 **birdylittlebitch:** OH YEAH THATS RIGHT! :D

***furysbuttbuddy has been banned from the chatroom.**

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** hahaha

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** and yes, I am aware I couldve done it anytime

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Clint...

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** but it was more fun to watch him flirt with cap ;)

 **SONOFASSGARD:** VERY AMUSING INDEED ;T

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** I don't get why you're all so mean to him, but if I remember right from last time, he can come back....

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** feh

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** I will figure out how he does it. And i know he can barely use a mouse so whatever SHIELD grunt is behind this is gonna get his head shoved up his ass so hard

 **birdylittlebitch:** is it really that hard to figure out or are you just lazy?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** oh when I go in there it'll probably take what, five minutes

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** but then I would miss out on being here with you guys for five minutes or something

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** think of the potential laughter I could miss out on

 **BouncingBorscht:** Maybe he just goes around and gets on from different computers.

 **Bruce:** wow, that's ridiculous enough to actually sound plausible

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** ah but that would require effort on his part

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** honestly I bet the SHIELD grunt techies just do whatever the hell he wants whenever he wants all the time

 **birdylittlebitch:** because they're young and Coulson still scares them?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** no because they're scared his boyfriend Cap will go after them

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** …

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** *eyeroll*

 **SONOFASSGARD:** BE RIGHT BACK, I AM BEING CALLED AWAY :V

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** !!

 **birdylittlebitch:** aww cap you're finally learning how chatrooms work <3

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** NOW THAT THOR IS GONE SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE OVER CAPSLOCK DUTIES

 **BouncingBorscht:** Ugh.

 **Bruce:** Really, Tony?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** WHAT, TASH AND BRUCE. THIS CONVERSATION WAS GETTING BORING AGAIN.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** UNLESS YOU PEOPLE COME UP WITH A SUITABLE TOPIC FOR DISCUSSION I'LL UNLEASH THE DISNEY AND WE CAN VOTE FOR WHICH PRINCESS IS THE HOTTEST

 **birdylittlebitch:** now now, surely there are better topics than that one

 **birdylittlebitch:** like how I just had a revelation

 **Bruce:** do share, Clint

 **BouncingBorscht:** is it the one about how to surprise Fury for his birthday?

 **BouncingBorscht:** You and Darryl from accounting are already working on that one, remember?

 **birdylittlebitch:** oh don't worry, we have the clown already ordered

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** FURY'S BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** WHY DO I NOT KNOW THESE THINGS

 **SONOFASSGARD:** I SHALL GET HIM A PRESENT AND A GRAND FEAST.

 **Bruce:** And there's going to be a clown?

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** I'm not sure he'd appreciate that, but I guess that's the point huh

 **birdylittlebitch:** we'll get to that later

 **birdylittlebitch:** ANYWAY

 **birdylittlebitch:** I'd like to let everyone know that Tony totally owes the good cap an apology

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** um.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** what.

 **Bruce:** apologize for what?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** CLINT I THINK YOU OWE ME AN APOLOGY FOR EVEN DARING TO SUGGEST I OWE HIM ONE

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING

 **birdylittlebitch:** it's just that Cap has a legitimate reason to buy all the disney movies

 **birdylittlebitch:** I just remembered i found his porn a couple of weeks ago

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Bruce:** what!?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** GLORY BE

 **BouncingBorscht:** Are you serious?

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** UM. I can explain

 **birdylittlebitch:** what is there to explain cap

 **birdylittlebitch:** you signed those pictures and then you fucking hid them

 **Bruce:** oh

 **Bruce:** wait, huh?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** PICTURES? LIKE PHOTOGRAPHS?

 **birdylittlebitch:** drawings.

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** they're nude studies, guys.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** OMG

 **birdylittlebitch:** and some of them were disturbingly cartoonish so

 **birdylittlebitch:** maybe he's branching out with the style

 **BouncingBorscht:** and this stunning invasion of privacy was the result of what, may I ask?

 **birdylittlebitch:** excuse you?

 **birdylittlebitch:** where's my gratitude and appreciation?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** RIGHT HERE CLINT I JUST SENT IT TO YOU.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** CHECK YOUR EMAIL

 **Bruce:** That was fast.

 **BouncingBorscht:** I'll say.

 **birdylittlebitch:** wow!!!

 **birdylittlebitch:** oh Tony you shouldn't have.  <3

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** <3333

 **BouncingBorscht:** Jesus, what did he send you?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** just a little somthin somethin to help with his air vent excursions from now on ;)

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** So were the drawinds Disney-ish or...

 **birdylittlebitch:** I'll show you later tash.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** drawings*

 **Bruce:** If they were studies, then where'd you get your references?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** please tell me they would make uncle Walt proud

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** I do NOT do nudesof Disney characters, Tony. I got the references from one of the art websights Agent Coulson showed me

 **SONOFASSGARD:** HELLO FRIENDS I HAVE RETURNED :W

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** I'm just practicing! they're just studies

 **birdylittlebitch:** studies of moist genitalia

 **BouncingBorscht:** ….

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** ah i see

 **SONOFASSGARD:** I AM CONFUSED. WHO HAS BEEN STUDYING MOIST GENITALIA?

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** it was just practice!

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** yknow guys

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** I must say that this has just been an all around good week for me.

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** ….

 **BouncingBorscht:** Unsurprising.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** I really mean that.

 **Bruce:** You missed out on a lot, Thor.

 **BouncingBorscht:** im surprised Coulson didn't come back in time to see this.

 **birdylittlebitch:** ten bucks says he went to get fury?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** if he did we should take turns banning them clint

 **birdylittlebitch:** Sounds good.

 **Bruce:** You guys aren't afraid of Fury anymore after that debacle last time?

 **SONOFASSGARD:** I AM.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** oh please

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** I figured out what his little flunkies did to the system and this particular chatroom is now protected

***guest-532676 entered the chatroom.**

**SONOFASSGARD:** HONORED GUEST! WELCOME TO OUR CHAT.

 **Bruce:** speak of the devil

 **BouncingBorscht:** And so it begins again.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** well look who's here!

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** and look at that, no overdue paperwork for you to hound us about

 **birdylittlebitch:** wow tony you're right

 **birdylittlebitch:** so what's the deal, mister fury?

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** could be coulson. Doesn't matter.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** you have no power here, sir.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** it's after 1 in the morning. Shouldn't you be in robotic stasis?

 **Bruce:** …

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** Steve can't even swoop in to defend you because he is catatonic at having had his porn revealed to the world

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** it is NOT pornography!

 **Bruce:** welcome back, Steve

 **BouncingBorscht:** I wouldn't put much stock into this.

 **BouncingBorscht:** no one really minds what you draw, Rogers. Except Tony, but who cares?

 **SONOFASSGARD:** AT TIMES PICTURES OF MOIST GENITALIA MAY SEND A VERY DEEP POLITICAL MESSAGE, I ASSURE YOU.

 **BouncingBorscht:** Wow.

 **birdylittlebitch:** Tash are you seeing this? isthis real???

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** moistness aside

 **BouncingBorscht:** don't worry Clint, i'm already taking screenshots

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** I know EXACTLY what those little acne'd cockheads you have down there in the tech dungeons did last time

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** and you good sir are the only one here about to receive both a hilarious nickname change and an immedite ban but before I begin

 **birdylittlebitch:** go tony woooo

 **SONOFASSGARD:** :8

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** i'd like to say a few words before you go.

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** I think you've made your point, Tony.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** oh Steve.

 **Bruce:** God help us

 **birdylittlebitch:** GET EM TONY

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** my dear Steve

 **BouncingBorscht:** He's lost it.

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Come on Tony

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** you know you want this more than anybody my star spangled friend

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** after all, YOU were the main actor in our little punishment drama

 **Bruce:** and over unfinished paperwork, no less.

 **birdylittlebitch:** you had to bring that up??

 **birdylittlebitch:** jesus stark now i'm having flashbacks

 **SONOFASSGARD:** IT WAS QUITE THE HUMBLING EXPERIENCE :B

 **birdylittlebitch:** can we NOT talk about it

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** you all remember. And this, my friends, is for every one of you.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** Mister Fury.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** or mister Coulson.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** our virtual Avengers clubhouse belongs only to the members of the club, aka the Avengers

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** you two are the only ones who would know of this link, and I KNOW one of you is in here

 **Bruce:** club?

 **birdylittlebitch:** wait

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Is that what we're calling it now

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** and it is time for me to establish that you are not welcome here.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** and to make a small confession

 **birdylittlebitch:** shouldn't we be betting on this WAIT

 **BouncingBorscht:**?

 **Bruce:** confess? I think he means

 **birdylittlebitch:** TONY NO NOT THAT DONT CONFESS ANYTHING GODDAMMIT

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** tony I'm not sure this is the time for that

 **SONOFASSGARD:** ;ooooooooooo

 **SONOFASSGARD:** TONY STARk, WE AGREED THAT THE SITUATION WOULD BE BEST LEFT TO VEGAS. :3

 **BouncingBorscht:** Stark I will GUT you

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** We had an pact Tony. Dont' do ths

 **birdylittlebitch:** BRUCE HACK INTO HIS COMPUTER

 **Bruce:** Um.

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** GUYS IM GONNA DO IT CMON WE NEED THIS JUSTICE

 **TONYINDAHOUSE:** check your private messages, oh honored guest, and see what REALLY happened in Vegas

 **BouncingBorscht:** Dammit Tony!

 **birdylittlebitch:** WAIT I KNOW.

***TONYINDAHOUSE has been banned from the chat.**

**Bruce:** ….

 **BouncingBorscht:** …..

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** uh...

 **birdylittlebitch:** ….

 **Bruce:** This is such a disaster

 **SONOFASSGARD:** goodness ;D;

 **Bruce:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **birdylittlebitch:** well I uh

 **Bruce:** thor are you alright?

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** he went off of capslock

 **BouncingBorscht:** It's going to be okay, Thor.

 **birdylittlebitch:** guys I didn't know what else to do im so sorry

 **BouncingBorscht:** Ban Coulson/Fury/Whatever first and we'll figure it out.

 **Bruce:** but he already sent the PM

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** I hope it was coulson rather than Fury...

 **BouncingBorscht:** we can work from there. Just get to the banning Clint.

 **Birdylittlebitch:** fine fine

* **guest-532676 has been banned from the chat.**

* **guest-532676 has been banned from the chat.**

* **guest-532676 has been banned from the chat.**

 **Bruce:** What's going on?

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Please don't tell me there's something wrong...

 **SONOFASSGARD:** D;

 **birdylittlebitch:** I can't ban him guys

 **birdylittlebitch:** I CANT BAN HIM ITS NOT WORKING AND

 **Bruce:** Oh my God!

 **birdylittlebitch:** JESUS!!

 **SONOFASSGARD:** THIS IS QUITE UNNERVING

 **BouncingBorscht:** He didn't.

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Why are all the lights off? Is it a power outage?

 **Bruce:** Well, not a total outage since we still have our computers here in our rooms.

 **BouncingBorscht:** It looks like all the lights are out in the entire damn Avengers tower.

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** And why did we allow him to bring us here to live again?

 **birdylittlebitch:** TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON YOU ASS

 **birdylittlebitch:** we already threw away all our stuff from the glow in the dark party at Vegas so there is just no reason

 **SONOFASSGARD** : AH, GLOW-IN-TH-DARK. I QUITE ENJOYED THE “NEON” FOOD AT THAT PARTY.

***guest-186594 entered the chatroom.**

**Bruce:** Well, here it comes.

 **Bruce:** It was nice knowing you guys.

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Tony, we can talk this out.

 **birdylittlebitch:** Y'know tony you couldve just kept your mouth shut. come on man you forced my hand

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** I think this has gone too far

***Bruce has lost chat privileges.**

**birdylittlebitch:** holy shit!!

 **birdylittlebitch:** I didn't even know you could do that.

 **SONOFASSGARD:** FAREWELL DOCTOR BANNER :(

 **BouncingBorscht:** And Bruce even gets it first. Shame on you, tony.

***BouncingBorscht has lost chat privileges.**

**birdylittebitch:** Why won't the ban button work anymore oh god

 **SONOFASSGARD:** I SUPPOSE WE ARE NEXT> ;5;

 **birdylittlebitch:** i'm trying to use my mod privileges to save you guys

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Hurry!

 **birdylittlebitch:** fuckin tony what did you DO

 **SONOFASSGARD:** I SHALL TAKE WHAT IS COMING TO ME WITH VALOR AND DIGNITY, HAWKEYE.

 **SONOFASSGARD:** WE WILL OVERCOME THIS TOGETHER.

 **birdylittlebitch:** dammit guys don't leave me

 **SONOFASSGARD:** FEAR NOT, WE WILL BE A TEAM AGAIN SOON.  >:L

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Why do I let myself get into these situations

***UNICORNSLOVEME has lost chat privileges.**

***SONOFASSGARD has lost chat privileges.**

**birdylittlebitch:** ….

 **guest-186594:** And now that we are finally alone

***guest-186594 changed nickname to YOUDONEFUCKEDUP.**

**YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** Hello, Clinton.

 **birdylittlebitch:** fuck.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** How are you?

 **birdylittlebitch:** i

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** Absent Avengebros take note, it is currently 1:58 in the morning.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** I want that time to stay with you.

 **birdylittlebitch:** Tony you made me ban you! it's all your fault!!

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** One. Fifty. Eight.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** Really take it in, now.

 **birdylittlebitch:** you're a tyrant

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** This time could have been a good time. A solid and beautiful minute among the billions of others we have experienced as friends. As Avengers.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** But now.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** It is the time when you took it upon yourselves to betray me.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** This time is now UNCLEAN.

 **birdylittlebitch:** uuuuuuugh tony will you stop

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** And you are all sitting in the darkness of your own shame.

***birdylittlebitch changed nickname to traitor.**

**YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** Clinton.

 **traitor:** what.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** Before I put you on time out with the rest of them, take note.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** Your banning me did nothing. The PM to our treasured guest sent successfully before you did.

 **traitor:** I already figured, you maniac

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** A little confirmation goes a long way.

 **traitor:** you're not getting away with this.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** Goodbye, Clinton.

***traitor has lost chat privileges.**

**YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** Finally we can move on.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** So friends, I see guest-532676 is still with us! Clint wasn't smart enough to figure out how to ban him!

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** Don't worry, team, the dirt I sent Coulson and Nicky has more than enough of their involvement to keep them quiet.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** I'll tell you a little secret I found out: We weren't the only people away on a recent trip.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** Connect the dots yourselves.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** Now guest-532676, reveal yourself.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** You have one second PSYCH YOU HAVE NO SECONDS

***guest-532676 changed nickname to PepperPotts.**

***guest-532676 changed nickname to DONG.**

***DONG has been banned from the chat.**

**YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** wait

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** wha

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** what just happened

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** GUYS WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** oh that's right I forgot

***BouncingBorscht gained chat privileges.**

***Bruce gained chat privileges.**

***traitor gained chat privileges.**

***UNICORNSLOVEME gained chat privileges.**

***SONOFASSGARD gained chat privileges.**

**SONOFASSGARD:** AND LO I HAVE RETURNED! :D

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** guys

 **traitor:** LOLOLOLOLOLOL

 **BouncingBorscht:** I love how sometimes things just fall into place on their own.

 **BouncingBorscht:** At least partly.

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** Tony I am not sure what to say

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** that wasnt coulson

 **Bruce:** Wasn't fury either.

 **traitor:** but who knows though? Could've been one of them messing with you.

 **traitor:** You'd better hope so  >D

 **SONOFASSGARD:** >DDDDD

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** motherfucking fucks

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** I checked. It was her.

 **traitor:** ahahahahahaahahahaha

***guest-345927 entered the chatroom.**

***guest-345927 changed nickname to P.Coulson.**

**Bruce:** You know, Tony....

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** I think you're screen name is rather appropriate

 **BouncingBorscht:** Agent.

 **P.Coulson:** Romanov.

 **Bruce:** I'm going to assume you tipped Pepper the link to this cat.

 **traitor:** that exactly what happened

 **Bruce:** *chat

 **P.Coulson:** It is.

 **P.Coulson:** Tony, where are you in the tower right now?

 **SONOFASSGARD:** THE LIGHTS ARE BACK ON >:3333

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** wouldn't you like to know

 **P.Coulson:** I'm just going to assume you're in basement lab under the first basement lab.

 **traitor:** I wonder if fury's gonna make a grand appearance.

 **P.Coulson:** He is sleeping, like normal people do at this time. I'm under orders from both him and Pepper to shut this chatroom down within the next five minutes.

 **BouncingBorscht:** All out of witty comments, Tony?

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** ….

 **P.Coulson:** The director has been notified of the little Vegas information you thought so kind to share with Pepper. I assure you, Nick and I do not consider our “side” involvement in the trip to be good enough blackmail.

 **P.Coulson:** He ordered me to let you all know that your post-trip STD checkups on Monday will be “a work of art”.

 **traitor:** well, I guess we had it coming

 **traitor:** but y'know, at least Pepper is in on this.

 **Bruce:** You do leave her out of a lot of team activities, Tony.

 **SONOFASSGARD:** WHILE I WAS AWAY SHE SHARED MANY POP TARTS WITH ME IN THE KITCHEN.

 **P.Coulson:** And when you get up to your floor, Tony, Miss Potts will be waiting for you.

 **BouncingBorscht:** Thank God each of us has two floors a piece.

 **P.Coulson:** As for the rest of the Avengers

 **P.Coulson:** The director decided that there is now paperwork for ruining S.H.E.I.L.D.'s media image.

 **traitor:** DAMMIT

 **UNICORNSLOVEME:** What?

 **P.Coulson:** Report to Conference Room B2 after your visit to the medical wing on Monday. Be there by three.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** avengebros

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** i have fucked up

 **Bruce:** that you did.

 **P.Coulson:** We'll discuss your punishment at that time.

 **BouncingBorscht:** Yeah, I'm out of here.

 **traitor:** that's it, though?

 **traitor:** the last chatroom's ending was so violent compared to this.

 **Bruce:** I guess we'll just have to top it next time, won't we?

 **Bruce:** wait i'm kidding.

 **Bruce:** let's not actually do that.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** No, Bruce.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** You're right.

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** you may have told Pepper on me THIS TIME

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** but we'll be back.

 **traitor:** preach!!

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** YOU HERE ME COULSON

 **YOUDONEFUCKEDUP:** it's going to be a wild year.

 **P.Coulson:** Until then, Avengers, on behalf of Director Fury, goodnight and “GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP”.

***the chatroom has been closed.**

 

* * *

 

NOTE TO ALL S.H.E.I.L.D. PERSONELL:

THIS IS A REMINDER THAT THE SCHEDULED “ **AVENGERS PUNISHMENT FOR THE IRRESPONSIBLE LAS VEGAS TRIP THAT NEARLY RUINED THE ORGANIZATION'S MEDIA IMAGE** ” DRAMA AND SLIDESHOW PRESENTATION WILL NOT BE AVAILABLE ON THE S.H.I.E.L.D. DOCUMENT WEBSITE FOR PRIVACY REASONS. THIS PRESENTATION WILL BE A ONE TIME EVENT. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BRING YOUR OWN POPCORN. STARK INDUSTRIES IS REQUIRED TO PROVIDE THE 3-D GLASSES NEEDED FOR THE SLIDESHOW FREE OF CHARGE. AS WE HAD CROWD ISSUES LAST TIME, TICKETED ADMISSION WILL BE SOLD FOR THIS EVENT. YOU MAY NOT BRING OUTSIDE GUESTS OR MEMBERS OF THE PRESS. CONTACT **AGENT DARRYL HAWKINS** IN THE ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT FOR PRICES AND RSPVS.

YOU MAY ALSO WISH TO BRING EAR PLUGS.

PLEASE LET THIS EVENT BE A REMINDER THAT THIS ORGANIZATION DOES NOT TAKE ITS MEDIA IMAGE LIGHTLY.

THANK YOU,

COMMUNICATIONS DEPARTMENT

P.S. MAKE SURE TO STAY AFTER THE SHOW FOR A SPECIAL APOLOGY RAFFLE HOSTED BY STARK INDUSTRIES CEO, PEPPER POTTS. PRIZES INCLUDE EXCLUSIVE STARK INDUSTRIES T-SHIRTS, NOTEPADS AND SHOT GLASSES. 


End file.
